BAYWATCH

When Baywatch debuted on NBC in 1989, it was already antiquated. Constructed around a group of lifeguards saving swimmers from drowning while occasionally tracking down serial killers was thin at best, but with a gaggle of good-looking actors who took themselves too seriously, the ridiculous plots the writers came up with turned into television gold. How then to make a 21st century feature film reboot of the franchise ever more absurd and ridiculous? Answer: Hire a bunch of impossibly busty models, a couple of ripped hunks, let them ad-lib as much as possible, and hope for comedy. The results are … Continue reading BAYWATCH

Movie Beat – 7.25.14

And So It Goes – Oren Little (Michael Douglas) is not a nice guy and he prefers it that way. He makes his living as a realtor, and he gets his kicks by making others completely miserable. Then his estranged son shows up and drops off Susan (Sterling Jerins), the granddaughter he never knew he had, and Oren has to reevaluate some perspectives. Diane Keaton, John Scott Shepherd and Frances Sternhagen pitch in and lend him a hand. Script from Mark Andrus and direction by Rob Reiner. In limited release from Clarius Entertainment.   The Fluffy Movie – Gabriel Iglesias … Continue reading Movie Beat – 7.25.14

Movie Beat – 08.30.13

Afternoon Delight – Rachel (Kathryn Hahn) is a stay at home Mom with not a whole lot going on. Her husband, Jeff (Josh Radnor) isn’t the lovey-dovey type and the marriage is on the rocks. Rachel needs something, anything to make her feel important. She met McKenna (Juno Temple), a nineteen-year-old stripper who has been kicked out of her apartment and invites her to come and stay with her family and “act” like the nanny. Inviting a nineteen-year-old stripper into the home when your marriage is on the rocks seems like a bad idea to me. Jane Lynch, Jessica St. … Continue reading Movie Beat – 08.30.13

Movie Beat – 05.24.13

3 Geezers –  If these geezers were in their twenties, they would audition for Jackass, if they were teenagers, they would be labeled ‘troubled youths’, and if they were in preschool, they would fit right in. J Kimball (J.K. Simmons) is researching a role for an upcoming movie and spends some time with these degenerates in a retirement home. When it becomes clear that he is in too deep, he calls on his Hollywood friends to put these old farts in their place. Makes perfect sense to me. Basil Hoffman, Lou Beatty Jr., Tim Allen, Scott Cann, Breckin Meyer, and … Continue reading Movie Beat – 05.24.13

PAIN & GAIN

Pain & Gain - Poster

“If I think I deserve it, the universe will serve it,” Daniel Lugo tells himself and anyone who will listen. Is he trying to convince them, or is he trying to convince himself? “If I think I deserve it, the universe will serve it.” Throw it in a self-help book, and you could move a decent amount of copies. Just another line in a string of pop-hokum that people will shell out honest to good money to either read in books like The Secret or pay to hear at a motivational talk by Tony Robbins. It’s likely the mantra that Jeff Goldblum forgot way back in Annie Hall. “If I think I deserve it, the universe will serve it!” Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, The American Dream!

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Movie Beat – 04.26.13

Arthur Newman – Wallace (Colin Firth) is tired of his life and decides to start over again. This time with someone else’s identity, completely fabricated, a new man: Arthur Newman (a bit on the nose if you ask me). He meets Michaela, or Mike, (Emily Blunt) and they take off together, having all sorts of adventures and romps that poor old Wallace could only dream of. But when fiction becomes so desirable, there is a point where we must turn it into a fact. That means taking the crap along with the fun. Two characters in search of an identity, two great actors in search of a … Continue reading Movie Beat – 04.26.13

Movie Beat – 03.29.13

Blancanieves – Snow White en español, re-telling of a  Grimm Fairy Tale in beautiful black and white photography by Kiko de la Rica and scored by Alfonso de Vilallonga. It was last year’s entry for the Foreign Film Oscar from Spain, but it will no doubt be called this year’s The Artist. Set in 1920s Spain, a young girl grows up with just a Father and learns his craft as a bullfighter. Hated and driven out by her evil stepmother, she joins a troop of traveling dwarves and becomes the most famous bullfighter in Spain.  Performances from Ángela Molina, Maribel … Continue reading Movie Beat – 03.29.13

Movie Beat – 02.22.13

Saturday is the Film Independent Spirit Awards and Sunday, The Oscars, and then that’s it. No more awards and the books on 2012 are finally closed. Time to move on. Well, not quite yet, next weekend maybe, but with the bulk of movie talk this weekend focused on the best in last years cinema, the studios are saving their big movies for March where they will get a little more attention. Not a terrible crop of movies out this week, just a touch on the thin side. It’s Oscar Weekend after all! 11 Flowers – We don’t get to choose … Continue reading Movie Beat – 02.22.13